It’s A Wonderful Life by rwboughton

admin — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 12:35:52 +0000

This morning while musing about the devastating effects of that given the somewhat pompous title of “cognitive dysfunction” I came across this article on MS Support. I hope you will join me in empathising with his plight and post a comment of your story or just your opinion. I find the humour endearing and the problem excruciating.

This morning my wife demanded to know where I had put the deposit slip for church funds she had had me deposit last week.

“On the kitchen counter,” I said. “I always put it on the counter.”

Obviously it was not there, yet and still I was certain I had put it there. Where else would I have put it? I always put it on the counter. I figure if actual memory no longer serves me, habit on its own is certain to do so (creature of habit that I am).

“Will you keep looking for it? she said, then gave me the deposit for the current week.

I had of course no intention of continuing to look for what I already knew had been placed on the counter, just as it always is. Normal people can forget stuff too, right? Normal people can misplace things, lose things, accidentally discard important documents, even money.

I know what I know. I said what I said.

Well, it turned out that the reason the receipt was missing was that there was no receipt, for you see the money had never been deposited. Rather, I found it, along with the deposits slips, in my glove compartment. This was predictable enough, given my recent history–and yet still managed to be absolutely surprising to me.

How could this money have been sitting in my car for a week? Other people’s money, church money, God’s money! Why had I been so certain that the errand had been accomplished? What was it that had convinced me not only that the money been deposited, but that the deposit slip had been placed on the kitchen counter?

My life becomes a pattern of seemingly reliable assumptions–a theory, an hypothesis. Guesswork and habit have replaced actual knowledge and deliberation. No longer able to call upon the surety of recollection, I turn to mere likelihood and the fidelity of habit.

Yesterday when I went to deposit funds of my own, I filled out the deposit slip, put my cash on the bank counter, swiped my card, punched in the pin, then returned the cash to my wallet.

“Um . . . I’m going to need that money,” the teller said.

More and more, I depend on the kindness of strangers.

Remember the old film It’s a Wonderful Life? Remember uncle Billy, who almost ruined George Bailey’s building and loan institution? Right, that endearing though bumbling old fool with a crow on his shoulder and a squirrel in his pocket. People can put up with that kind of idiocy until it actually causes big problems, at which point exasperation becomes anger, and then anger becomes disregard and derision.

Now I am uncle Billy.

And though facts are facts, and though the verdict is in, I am still having a hard time accepting it. I do not see myself this way, and yet it begins to become clear that everyone else does. My objections are founded in a past aptitude and functionality that no longer exists, yet which continues to encompass my own sense of identity.

The rich man suddenly divested of his riches will yet for some time labor under the persistent illusion of wealth and the dignity it had endowed upon his life. So it is that I by the same token persist in the idea that I am still the man I was

Infallibility was a difficult enough standard to live up to, but constant failure is immeasurably more difficult to live down.

Tags:cognitive dysfunction,memory loss

Living with MS

admin — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 09:04:11 +0000

I found this on an MS bulletin board and it would be funny if it weren’t so true.

When We Say We Can’t do Something Because We don’t Feel Well, Put yourself in Our Shoes By Using The Examples of our Symptoms Below…

- Painful Heavy Legs: Apply Tightly 20 LB ankle weights and 15 LB thigh weights then take a 1 mile walk, clean the house, go shopping and then sit down – how ya’ feeling now?

- Painful Feet: Put equal or unequal amounts of small pebbles in each shoe then take a walk, if we are mad at you we would prefer needles to pebbles.

- Loss of Feeling in Hands and/or Arms: Put on extra thick gloves and a heavy coat then try and pick up a pencil, if successful stab yourself in the arm.

- Loss of Feeling in Feet and/or Legs: Ask a doc for a shot of novocaine in both of your legs and then try and stand up and walk without looking like the town drunk. Hopefully you won’t fall down.

- TN (Trigeminal Neuralgia): Take an ice pick and jam it into your ear or cheek whenever the wind blows on it, or a stray hair touches it. If you want something easier to do, get someone to punch you in the jaw preferably daily.

- Uncontrollable Itching: Glue or sew small steel wool pads to the inside of your shirt, pants and undergarments wear them for an entire day.

- Tingling: Stick your finger in an electrical socket – preferably wet.

- Tight Banded Feeling: Put 12 inch wide belt around you and make is as tight as you can and leave it there for the entire day. How ya’ breathing?

- Shots: Fill one of our spare needles with saline solution, saline won’t hurt you, we would love something worse but don’t want to end up in jail. Give yourself a shot everytime we do our shot.

- Side Effects From the Shot: Bang you head against a wall, wrap yourself in a heating pad, wrap your entire body with an ace bandage tightly then finally treat yourself to some spoiled food or drink.

- Trouble Lifting Arms: Apply 20 LB wrist weights and try and reach for something on the highest shelf in your house.

- Spasticity: Hook bungee cords to your rear belt loops and rear pant leg cuffs then for your arms hook bungee cords to your shirt collar and cuffs on shirt sleeves then go dancing.

-Poor Hearing/Buzzing in Ears: Put a bee in each ear and then put a plug in each one…Bzzzzzzzz

- Balance and Walking Problems: Drink 100 proof grain alcohol and then sit and spin in an office chair for 30 minutes, now get up and see what happens.

Urgently Needing to Pee: We put a .5 liter remote controlled water bag and drip tube in your pants, we point out 2 restrooms in a crowded mall, then we tell you that you have 30 seconds before we activate the water bag (by remote control) to get to a restroom. Just for spite we may make that 20 seconds without telling you.

- Bizarre and Inexplicable Sensations: Place tiny spiders on your legs or arms and allow them to periodically crawl around throughout the day, heck all day would be good too.

- Pins and Needles: Stab yourself repeatedly with needles all over your body or better yet….Get a very large tattoo in your most sensative area.

- Dizziness (Vertigo): Get on a gently rocking boat all day and all night and take several walks around the deck with your eyes closed.

- Fatigue: Stay awake for two full days to induce incredible fatigue and then cook dinner, clean the house, walk the dog and see how you feel. Please do not compare MS fatigue to you being tired from only a few hours of sleep – it’s not the same at all.

- Cognitive Function (Brain Fog): Take a liberal dose of sleeping pills but stay awake. Try and function properly and think clearly. To make it even more real without killing yourself of course, take the sleeping pills with a small sip of wine.

- Bowel Problems: Take a 4 day dose of an anti-diarrhea medicine followed directly by a 3 day dose of stool softeners for a minimum of 3 weeks, at the end of 3 weeks sit down on a hard uncushioned chair and stay there til tears appeared.

- Burning Feeling: Make a full pot of boiling water and then have someone fill a squirt gun with the boiling water and shoot it at yourself all day long. However, you can give us the pleasure of shooting you instead…optional of course.

- Intention Tremor: Hook your body to some type of vibrating machine try and move your legs and arms…..hmmm are you feeling a little shaky? You are not allowed to use anything fun for this lesson.

- Buzzing Feeling When Bending Our Heads to Our Chest (L’Hermitte’ s): Place an electrical wire on your back and run it all the way down to your feet, then pour water on it and plug it in.

- Vision Problems (Optic Neuritis): Smear vaseline on glasses and then wear them to read the newspaper.

- Memory Issues: Have someone make a list of items to shop for and when you come back that person adds two things to the list and then they ask why you didn’t get them. When you come back from shopping again they take the list and erase three things and ask why you bought those things.

- Foot Drop: Wear one swim fin and take about a 1/2 mile walk, nothing else needs to be said for this one, you’ll get it.

- Depression: Take a trip to the animal shelter everyday and see all the lonely animals with no home. You get attached to one or more of the animals and when you come back the next day you come in while they are putting her/him asleep.

- Fear: Dream that you have lost complete feeling in your feet and when you wake up wiggle your feet, just so happens they don’t move. Think about this every night wondering whether something on your body won’t work the next day when you wake up.

- Swallowing: Try swallowing the hottest chili pepper you can find.

- Heat Intolerance or Feeling Hot When it’s Really Not: You are on a nice vacation to Alaska. It’s 35° outside and 65° inside. Light a fire for the fireplace and then get into it. Once you have reached about 110° tell me how you feel, even a person without MS would feel bad, now add all of the above symptoms

Welcome to our world.

Then Finally…

After subjecting yourself to the items above, let everyone tell you that you are just under a lot of stress, it’s all in your head and that some exercise and counseling is the answer.

Cheree’s Added Note: This may sound harsh or exaggerated, but trust me when I say that it’s all true. MS is most times considered the ‘invisible’ disease because alot of us with MS can walk around looking like we’re ok! What you don’t see are the rough times spent at home, alone, at night, when MS causes us the most pain. The next time you see someone with a chronic illness and see them smiling, just remember that they’re probably dealing with a whole lot more than the eye can see…and let them know that you care!

Tags:course of MS,disability,fatigue,living with ms,memory loss,ms symptoms

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It’s A Wonderful Life by rwboughton

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